Trust

“It is never acceptable to violate a submissive’s trust in any situation. Once this damage is done, it will take a lot to repair the broken bridge.”

BDSM Guest Author for Geisha Diaries: Miss Veronica Volt, Pro-Domme at Deviant Domain, L.A.

 

Trust is very, VERY important in my profession. Without it, I wouldn’t get any work! The submissive needs to be able to feel comfortable and to trust that you know what you’re doing, that you’ll be safe, that you will take care of them and fulfill your needs, and to be good to them. If they don’t feel confident in any of these beliefs, poof – no play. This is where communication comes in. You need to talk out your fantasies, be able to tell them how you feel, and make sure both parties are on the right foot together.

It’s a two way street indeed. The Dominant needs to feel like the submissive is relaxed and not apprehensive at all, otherwise that energy will effect how the session will turn out. Submissives need to be truthful and open; Dominants need to be aware and to hear out their subs.

After Care

Be good to your submissives and they will be good to you

Aftercare is crucial. Absolutely crucial. Every submissive needs this after play and it can be doled out in varying degrees depending on the need. It can be light as a comforting word or two (“You were such a good boy.”) to the heavy (“You may lie before my feet and kiss them.”). It can be very caring, very sweet and personal like a rub on their back and reassurance of positive feelings and energy.

The point of all this is to avoid a “sub drop” which is due to the loss of chemical components induced during play (adrenaline, endorphins) as well as broken emotional barriers. Play for submissives can be very intense because of internal repression where they feel like they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place (their desires versus what society’s attitudes of those desires). Don’t just kick out your sub after a session. Spend a few minutes making sure they’re alright, let them take out their emotions in a healthy way, and be a Nurturer. You don’t have to lose your dominance doing this; if anything, it will make them adore you all the more and feel wanted in your life.

Public Play

This can either be playing in front of another person (outside of the two-person negotiation) or playing in front of a group – it can interpreted many ways to different people. It can also be in front of a device that can be shown to other people (such as webcam, video recorder, photography). Can be used for fantasy blackmail, or even as a threat for behavior modification/training. See exhibitionism and voyeurism.

Spitting

The act of spitting can either be a gift or part of degradation for humiliation play. To one person it could be a marking and to another a reminder of being owned. Some like it in their mouths, some on their faces, and some on their body parts. And some don’t like it at all.

Medical Fetish

I’ll talk about this more in depth later in a longer article, but this is a very big fetish ranging from just light (dressing up in a nurse’s/doctor’s uniform and role playing as caretaker/patient) to very hardcore (catheters, sounds, straps, speculums, needles, blood-taking). When dealing with the latter, be experienced and safe – sanitation and knowledge is of utmost importance in this area.

Needle Play

Like with medical fetish, it’s important to know what you’re doing and be safe when dealing with sharp needles. Discard these in a special container for medical waste.

 TENS Unit

Stands for “Transcutaneous Electronic Nerve Stimulator”. Originally devised for medical purposes, it quickly became popular among kinksters for the electric charge sensation it gave to naughty bits.

 Verbal Humiliation

Degradation through insults, cutting down the sub’s ego, and twisting their fantasies and ideals against them. This is very tricky and difficult to get just right acting on intuition. It requires going into the sub’s psyche and discovering what

 Physical Humiliation

Asserting dominance through physical means. Sitting on the sub, pushing them down to the floor, and having a foot (high heeled or otherwise) just on their body to remind them of their place.

The actual act of humiliation can vary from individual to individual depending on tastes and what is actually humiliating for them to experience. For instance, I once had a client who had trouble saying dirty words so the whole session was spent repeating every dirty word I said all the while teasing him with what he desperately wanted (my ass). For another client his ultimate humiliation was to be slapped and spit on (no verbal stuff, actually). It’s important to know who you’re dealing with, what their fantasies are, what they don’t like – and this is all dealt with in a negotiation.

Electric/Voltage Play

Play with products like TENs units, cattle prods, or other electric sex toys. This is not for the faint of heart, and for the love of Goddess, don’t electrocute your sub above the waist if they have a history of heart problems (or have a pacemaker.) The sensation can be increased if the area being electrocuted is wet.

Not for beginners; go to a BDSM class or personal training from a professional if you wish to seriously engage in this behavior with your partner/client. Knowledge is power.

 Smothering

Part of breath play. Can be done with an object like a pillow or a body part. Serious business!

 Facesitting

Also known as “queening.” Sitting on a sub’s face. Can work with smothering.

Showers

Not clean ones! No water here, folks. Just bodily functions. Brown (feces), golden (urine), ruby (menstruation fluid, of course), and roman showers (vomit).

Ball-busting

My personal favorite. Literally busting the balls of a man. Nothing beats kicking, squeezing, squishing, and stretching the testicles of a sub. Much more extreme than CBT.

 Guest Author for Geisha Diaires: Miss Veronica Volt, Pro-Domme at Deviant Domain, L.A.