Dominance & Control
True BDSM/Fetish“The utterly divine worship of the female form superior to the male form in every way”
Dominance is a mental, emotional and physical state manifested through something as simple as a gesture or soft-spoken word. It is the underlying tone of commanding, assertive and unwavering control.
There are no questions. There are no niceties and there are no pleases. The only permissible replies are:
- "Yes, Mistress"
- "Thank you Mistress"
- "My life is not complete without you, Mistress."
"Mistress, may I please lie at your feet and kiss your boots?"
a client once begged.
Miss Veronica Volt
In my world, this perspective is paramount. It is not the whip that inflicts the most pain but the deadly glare, the sadistic smile or the crushing disappointment of a submissive when he fails to please his Mistress. To maintain superiority, a Mistress must enter a "dom" state of mind from the beginning of the scene to the end.
Submissives, Check Your Egos at the Door
Control is not necessarily kinky. How often have you struggled with a client for control of an appointment and the client has attempted to diminish that control by changing date, switching time or playing mind games? The situation is familiar in any profession. A Mistress must master control and maintain the upper hand of her slave. Cultivating a dominant mindset is critical not only in business but in your personal life as well.
Dominance is not synonymous with bitchiness
Miss Veronica Volt
New Mistresses tend to struggle separating the two. A loud voice does not instill fear in a slave. But it will give you a sore throat. Real fear is infused when you glare at him silently as though he were scum and he is trembling because he doesn't know what he has done wrong (maybe everything, maybe nothing). Power is projected when circling him and judging him ruthlessly rather than yelling at him for his incompetence. Of course he's incompetent. He's a man, a slave for your bidding. He'll fuck up everything, naturally. It is your job as a Domme to guide and mold him into the ideal, willing slave.
Dommes, Don't Let Emotions Cloud Your Judgment
Herein lies the foremost step to losing control. Keep distant from personal slights and remember that you're the boss. He came to you for something. You possess what he desires, automatically giving you the power. Do not think about the money because it is irrelevant. You will always find more business. He must earn and respect your presence and remain submissive at all times.
Do not be Challenged by Consultation or Negotiation
You call the shots and get the final word. If you are even remotely unhappy with the arrangement do not go through with it. Most important is that you end the scene with a smile on your face and hopefully his as well. Asking questions implies submission. Speaking to your client using assertive statements and allowing him to reply will ensure your dominance.
Reinforce Your Authority by Always Following up on Threats
If a client tests your limits with even the slightest discomfort by back talking, insulting or touching you, warn him. If he does it again, terminate the session and mean it. Stand your ground. Say it with conviction and provide no refund.
Disrespect is a waste of your valuable time and justification to charge him. If he crosses that line again, show him the door with ease and refuse to take his calls. If he comes back, chances are he’ll behave with more submission and respect. Personally, I will not take back a client who displays such behavior.
It doesn't matter whether you're a mistress, a masseuse, an escort, a stripper or just a regular woman. The art of control can be applied by anyone in any situation as long as the state of mind remains focused and void of emotion.
After all, this is a business like any other.
Written by Veronica Volt, Dominatrix & Guest Author for Geisha Diaries
Reader Comments (3)
I like your article, and you make some very good points - particularly the one about following through on all of your threats. Consistency is key, both for control over others and also instilling self respect. If you can't trust your own word, that uncertainty shows.
While I myself am happy to be on either end of a rope or paddle (and delighted to be under a violet wand), I've been told I'm quite effective in a dominant role. I owe all that to my dogs. I've trained dogs all of my life, and I advise that anyone who is serious about D/s lifestyle learn to love a puppy. They are the perfect subs. They need control, discipline, and above all else they need to make you happy. After all, what is the point of working so hard to please a Mistress who only knows how to be angry? The concepts of reward and punishment, tailoring a training regimen, and showing love and affection while still firmly maintaining your Alpha Bitch status are all easy peasy once you have a good puppy :)
Of course, some guys are just out for a good spanking, and any chick in a corset with a decent arm on her side can dish one out. But then when they get the itch again, they will once again simply be looking for a chick in a corset with a decent arm. A real Domina is one who can make the reddening of their ass mean so much more than just the impact.
Madame, while I am obviously not a Domina myself, I really like the analogy you make of the submissive puppy.
@Madame X
I agree with your statement, "After all, what is the point of working so hard to please a Mistress who only knows how to be angry? The concepts of reward and punishment, tailoring a training regimen, and showing love and affection while still firmly maintaining your Alpha Bitch status are all easy peasy once you have a good puppy :)
Of course, some guys are just out for a good spanking, and any chick in a corset with a decent arm on her side can dish one out. But then when they get the itch again, they will once again simply be looking for a chick in a corset with a decent arm. A real Domina is one who can make the reddening of their ass mean so much more than just the impact."
Very true. :)