"As I became more interested in the scene, it became clear that BDSM was the best way to express my sexuality" Guest Author & submissive, Dymion
Geisha Diaries seeks to de-mystify the proverbial divide between the adult world and what common society considers the conventional world. Most often, the adult world consists of folks seeking to explore various avenues of sexuality, considered taboo in the conventional world, for two reasons: financial mobility or self-expression. Almost all cross over into the adult world in an effort to make ends meet and/or fulfill their individuality for needs that haven’t been met in the conventional world. Does that make them unusual, freakish or perverted? Perhaps to some, but not when you consider that all of the topics explored here on Geisha Diaries are written and read by neighbors, friends, parents, dentists, CEO’s, executives, artists, technicians and entrepreneurs. They are secretly indulged.
Consider the lifestyle of a Dom/submissive relationship. That’s what we did by way of a phone interview with Dymion, owned and collared by Selena. No more words are necessary as the interview speaks for itself:
1. How did you discover that you are a submissive?
By the time I was in my late teens, early 20’s, I realized that I was attracted to this BDSM sort of erotica. It fit well with an crucial part of my personality of who I was. . It was an inherent feeling inside me. We have to be true to who we are. As we explore the world we have experiences that feel right. As soon as I got involved, it felt right and it explained many years of curiosity.
No. By the nature of BDSM activities, there was such an adrenaline rush that it overwhelmed the part of me that was afraid. It was so exciting. You anticipate something developing. It’s something that you believe is a part of what and who you are.
3. How would you describe your relationship with your Goddess Selena?
Phenomenal! It’s the kind of relationship that I waited for all my life. We have been together four years and she is my soul mate. We've been talking about getting married for quite a while now, and it's right around the corner.
4. Does fidelity apply to your Dominant / submissive relationship?
Absolutely. This is not a client-type relationship or one of friends with BDSM benefits. This is a truly extraordinary, loving relationship as strong as any marriage can be. It just so happens that with regard to our sexual relationship we have a very strong D/s (Dominance / submission) dynamic. We are fully competent as a couple. We care very deeply about each other. Our relationship exemplifies all aspects of a normal relationship with the added dimension of BDSM.
5. How do you handle this Dominant /submissive dynamic of your relationship with friends and family?
It is totally private, and nobody amongst our friends and family know about the BDSM or D/s nature of our relationship. While friends and family may pick up on elements of the D/s dynamics (without really knowing the meaning or background), and occasionally make remarks about how Selena "leads" our relationship, none are privy to the details. And nobody close to us gives us the impression that they are familiar with BDSM, D/s, or Female Led Relationships (FLR). They recognize that Selena makes the decisions. They might have a sense of it without placing words or tags on the relationship. Quote (and Moment) of the Day is a good example of what I’m talking about.
6. Is there any Sado-Masochism (S&M) involved?
Yes. There are regular activities that people would classify as sado-masochistic. We don’t have a full-out scene every day. But there are daily activities and rituals that are clearly sado-masochistic (SM) or bondage and discipline (B&D) by nature.
7. Can you talk about your daily BDSM activities?
Well, there are really too many to list, but one of our daily rituals goes like this: every day, when I get home from work, I get the locking leather collar for Selena and I kneel before her. She’ll place it around my neck and lock it. It will stay there until I have to get ready for work the next day. It is a very powerful act, and it reinforces the Dominance and submission dynamic of our relationship. You can read more about the significance of the collar for us in New Collar. I have also been wearing an Eternity Collar for more than a year now. It is a stainless steel collar which is 3/8" thick and locks with a special screw that cannot be removed without the particular tool that only Selena keeps. She has not removed it since the very first day she collared me. A recent blog post, The Eternity Collar: One Year Anniversary, talks about it.
8. What kind of work do you do?
I am a high profile Vice President in a respected and well known organization. As someone in a key leadership position with this company, I am quite often in the public eye.
9. Can you distinguish between pleasure and pain?
Of course. But what some people may consider pain I might consider pleasure. Selena and I do draw a distinction between good pain and bad pain, or excessive good pain, if you will. Wearing nipple clamps is good pain for me (at least for a while), while dropping a heavy box on my foot is bad pain (nothing erotic or sensual about the latter). Selena's mood dictates activities and intensity of the play. Some days I can handle more while other days I can handle a little less. Communication and being tuned in to the reactions of one's partner during play are very important factors to ensure that both enjoy the scene. This includes, if necessary, the use of Safe Words to quickly adjust the pace or in certain extreme cases bring the activities to a halt if some go beyond my threshold. Without this kind of feedback, the BDSM play may wander into a dangerous zone that is too intense or even potentially harmful which would destroy the scene for both of us. Selena is very good at communicating with me and gauging how I'm doing during a scene. If a scene has escalated too quickly or to a level that is too intense for me, then the use of pre-determined Safe Words (such as green, yellow or red) allow us to adjust and avoid encountering a bad or dangerous scene.
10. Do you ever include other people in your BDSM activities?
Not into our personal BDSM activities. But we are active in the BDSM community. We have attended many munches and kink-oriented social events. We have also participated in private, closed parties where other people gather to talk about BDSM, D/s relationships, show-off their favorite BDSM toys, and play with their partners (and occasionally other people). We are monogamous in our sex life as well as in our BDSM activities. Fidelity extends to our BDSM play as well. We don't feel the need to have others be part of our play or our relational dynamics.
11. As a submissive, are you religious?
Organized religion is not a part of my life. I believe that spirituality lies elsewhere. But I know many people in the scene for whom religion is very important. Each to their own in spirituality and sexuality.
We continue to develop and grow in this private area of BDSM both emotionally and spiritually. It is a very enriching part of our lives that we share through our blog to demystify and provide people with a perspective. We’ve inspired people to explore and ask questions. We find BDSM a very rewarding part of our relationship.
Written by Geisha Diaries Guest Author & submissive, Dymion