Provider Relationships 101
What You Need to Know"Marriage involving a provider requires a unique pair of individuals who are very secure with themselves. I am married, and it is a very complicated relationship, but it works for us." Written by À
No hobbyist will stick around for a relationship
Hobbyist/provider relationships that go beyond professional don’t work. I know you think that the relationship with your former client-now-turned-full-time-boyfriend will turn out differently, but he is in love with the illusion, not you. A hobbyist is usually on his very best behavior when with a provider. Even if it feels right at the moment, eventually you will end up very hurt and very single again.
If that special person is not a swinger, you may want to reconsider
Swingers are mentally and emotionally wired differently than their vanilla counterparts. A swinger inherently knows that their Significant Other is not sexually exclusive. Your work as a provider is equal to a swinger experience but with a paying client. Ladies, you are sexually involved with several people every week. Would you be comfortable with your Significant Other doing the same for free? Think long and hard about your decision.
Though he may worship the ground you walk on, respect his pride and always be honest
If your Significant Other finds out on his own that you are a provider, he may lose his mind. If you tell him up front, he may still lose his mind but at least you will avoid falling deeper in love when he does flip out and he can never say you lied to him. Give him the choice to run for the hills, or stay.
Never brag about anything a hobbyist does for you
If a client gives you roses or any other gift for that matter, don’t keep them. Intimate gifts are sacred and should be held in value only when received from your Significant Other. I don't care if a client flies you to Japan. Do not brag about it around your Significant Other. Do not challenge his manhood by boasting about expensive gifts given by your client. Give them away, pawn them, or refuse to accept them but do not put your man’s pride in the line of fire. He is the provider in your home, not your client.
Despite your financial means, always split the bills with your Significant Other
If you allow him to feel like you don’t need him, you are breeding a cheater or a man who eventually will refuse to work, sitting on the couch while you are out working , also known as a pimp. Men are wired to take care of the home, financially. On his birthday, Christmas or other holidays, lavish him!
Never talk about a client’s sexual technique with a Significant Other
Know your boundaries. Whether your client is the best or worst in bed, do not discuss the matter with your Significant Other. When life occurs, such as a death in the family, a family celebration or your Significant Other plans a special evening, close up shop. You cannot be super provider and maintain a healthy relationship with your Significant Other. The father-in-law of a friend was deathly ill while she went on a cruise with a client because she and her husband needed the money. Now, she is divorced and childless.
If you do not perform specific sex acts with your Significant Other, do not perform them with your clients
Especially those who post reviews. Also, be prepared to bring another lady home from time to time. If you don't like your job as a provider, combining it with marriage is a breeding ground for drama. Do not lie about your level of service. Don't tell your Significant Other that you are a massage only provider when in fact you are a PSE (Porn Star Experience).
If a client is stocking you, put an end to that relationship immediately
Try everything you can possibly do on your own to avoid involving your Significant Other. A stalker client is crazy while a protective Significant Other can turn into a territorial lunatic.
Turn off your work phone, ignore emails and anything hobby related
Go on a real vacation with your Significant Other and don’t even think about turning it into a tour. If you dress to kill when you are working, dress to mass murder when you go out with your Significant Other. If you wear lingerie for a client knock yourself out for your Significant Other. I never wear heels during a session but I have a full collection that I wear for my husband. I keep work lingerie separate and have a whole drawer full of lingerie dedicated exclusively to my hubby. Spanking and pulling my hair are off limits to clients. That’s because I get spanked and my hair pulled almost every night at home.
If children are planned in your marriage, go UTR (under the radar)
Drop off the face of the planet for some years. Being a wife and mother is very demanding. Your Significant Other may refuse to share a wife who is now the mother of his children. Should you continue to work and ever get arrested, all the kids will tease your babies. Family comes first. There will always be someone with a stuffed envelope but there won’t always be a child’s first step or first tooth. Cultivate your marriage. It’s hard work, especially if you want it to last.
Be prudent with your finances. There will be men who will waltz into your life and love you straight to the ATM machine
As soon as he tries to manage you, expressesing an interest in cutting back his work hours because you "need" help running your business, get out of the relationship. He has turned into a pimp. Men need to work. It impacts their self esteem if they are not working. He needs to either get a job or get another woman.
Do not mingle your Significant Other with hobbyists at Meet and Greets or with your provider friends, especially girls who don't know you well
Clients may not understand the dynamics involved between a provider and her Significant Other in maintaining a serious relationship. They might talk blatantly and overtly about your fantastic fellatio skills which no Significant Other wants to hear. Your provider friends may not be able to wrap their brains around the concept of your marriage or may think that your Significant Other is a client. You wouldn’t want to find yourself splattered all over the chat boards about how you got banned from Meet and Greets because you accosted another provider who was coming on to your man.
You are a provider not a door mat
In 22 years, my husband has never sworn at me, screamed at me or, heaven help us, put his hands on me. I can count on one hand the times he has raised his voice or when I have called out of his name in anger or screamed at him. I don't give a damn what I do at night for a living. I will not tolerate being disrespected.
Excuse me readers, while I address some of you who insist on thinking you deserve to be in abusive relationships
Find your back bone! Don't allow a man to put his hands on you and think you deserve it or caused it just because you’re a professional companion and think that you can’t do any better. If you are getting the beat down at home make a plan and entrust your very best friends in the business and we can help you get out. When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you have friends right here who will help you. No matter what the economy is doing, a smart provider will always be able to hustle.
An abusive man is not going to change. He is not going to stop hurting you
You have to be the one to change and take the initiative to leave. The end result for you will be no different than it is for anyone else stuck in the sick cycle of domestic abuse because eventually, he will kill you. You can do it! You can walk out today. You will cry every day and be a mess for a long time. But you are not a punching bag and anyway, he is bigger than you. He is not to demean or disrespect you. We are human beings, wives, girlfriends; mothers and tax-paying, respectable ladies. You are worth your weight in gold. You are special, beautiful and above all you are a woman who deserves to be treated with respect.
Do not pay all of your household bills
Don't even offer. Make him pull his weight or you will end up with a house husband. If he can't afford to pay half of that sweet condo you want then downsize.
If there is ever a time to STFU it is when you are in a war with your hubby and a client is on his way over
I am not sure what possesses the minds of some ladies. Even the Bible tells us that we should study to be silent. It takes a lot of learned behavior and practice but you can and should learn to shut your pie hole. Your tongue is one of the smallest muscles on your body but it can cause the most destruction. Learn to hold it. Either postpone the session or put on your best Tony Award winning act.
When you are communicating with a hobbyist, please do not divulge your personal business
Some of my clients know that I am married, but if hubby and I fight, I have married, female, provider friends to call and cry on the phone with – never a hobbyist. You cannot fight with your husband then go tell another man about it. Hell, spare all your single, female friends your marital drama as well. They do not hold marital wisdom. It’s kind of like asking a man how labor pains feel. If you ever go to marriage counseling, find a married counselor, not a single one.
Written by À, Guest Author for Geisha Diaries
Reader Comments (8)
While I agree with this most of the time, I do know a couple married, with a 3 year old who met because she was his ATF. They are still a happy, loving couple however unseen on the boards I'm apart of anymore. I think the key here is that they didn't broadcast why she was retiring when they decided to pursue their relationship, and the details are only known by those of us who are close to the couple. She never came back to work, he didn't continue to hobby, but she does occasionally hire a girl for them to share.
However, I wouldn't suggest escorts reading this who are actively dating someone they met due to the hobby, to invest much into it hoping that she'll turn out like the provider I posted about above. In most cases, it does not work as the lady stated in this blog. :)
Renegade-Kitty - as you noted, there are always exceptions to any rule. While I agree that all of A's points are valid, I know 2 couples personally (in both cases, the girls are still escorting and both partners are fully aware). And I know of a 3rd couple who met through escorting/hobbying who are both retired. BUT, I know several ladies who have traveled down the path that A describes in which case her words ring true.
It makes me happy to read your opionion because you are so clear, and structered. I admire all Escorts lady how can hold a "real" relationship while being a Escort.
Very hard, very hard.
My respect for it and for you.
lots of Love from Kimi an Escort from Munich
http://www.kimi-escort.com
Good advice from a good woman! Relationships are so hard in this business, partly due to the type of personality we ladies have that drew us here in the first place! Highly sexual, highly ambitious go getters with wits, smarts, and looks? Good luck to any man or woman who tries to keep up :)
Myself, I'm not as concerned with a man and his pride... I date women, who have their own pride to deal with, yet the issue of competition isn't so large - It's a different sort of ego to stroke. Still, I will be honest and say that I have habitually ended up with (admittedly very attractive) housegirls who expect me to drop everything for a spur of the moment quiet evening in or a raucous fight and makeup sex (I am West Indian, after all) yet open my wallet without question when presented with their weekly spa bill.
Even dating other ladies in this lifestyle, I have seen them slowly work less and expect more... it is unfair. I'm sure many men can relate to being unwillingly saddled with the role of breadwinner. Of course, all of the sophisticated, intelligent, and gorgeous ebony beauties such as yourself are taken :) Your boy is a lucky man!
~Mme X~
Oh I know you girls are all totally right :)
I'm the type of person who will just throw out the fact that it is possible, simply because I'd probably already tested it 1000 times myself hehe.
I just remember the relationship of the couple I wrote about, it was so taboo to all of us. We just couldn't comprehend that they really were living their happily ever after...for a very long time. :) I still miss her, she still tries to get me to drive hours out to her knowing good and well I am retired :). SHe still hobbies although I guess he really just isn't interested in that life at all anymore. He won't hobby with her :) that is soooo sweet to me.
I mean, as workers we're not quite used to the keepers out there like that, are we??? lol
YAY! I'm so glad you posted this!
Thanks so much for this article! My hubby and I have the absolute best relationship ever, and I do keep to all the rules you mentioned. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. :)
I recently tried to date my first client. I fell for him because he was a "wounded warrior," just back from Iraq with a heart of gold that needed healing. I told him that if he wanted to date me, it wouldn't be like a session, that it would have to be equal: him generating as much as I was. He agreed. On our first weekend together all he wanted was to lay in my arms and be held. That was nice and all, but he never shared himself or really anything personal. I realized that what he wanted was a long term "provider relationship." Nope, not up for that.