BDSM Terminology, Part III

Trust

"It is never acceptable to violate a submissive's trust in any situation. Once this damage is done, it will take a lot to repair the broken bridge."

BDSM Guest Author for Geisha Diaries: Miss Veronica Volt, Pro-Domme at Deviant Domain, L.A.

Trust is very, VERY important in my profession. Without it, I wouldn't get any work! The submissive needs to be able to feel comfortable and to trust that you know what you're doing, that you'll be safe, that you will take care of them and fulfill your needs, and to be good to them. If they don't feel confident in any of these beliefs, poof - no play. This is where communication comes in. You need to talk out your fantasies, be able to tell them how you feel, and make sure both parties are on the right foot together.

It's a two way street indeed. The Dominant needs to feel like the submissive is relaxed and not apprehensive at all, otherwise that energy will effect how the session will turn out. Submissives need to be truthful and open; Dominants need to be aware and to hear out their subs.

After Care

Be good to your submissives and they will be good to you

Aftercare is crucial. Absolutely crucial. Every submissive needs this after play and it can be doled out in varying degrees depending on the need. It can be light as a comforting word or two ("You were such a good boy.") to the heavy ("You may lie before my feet and kiss them."). It can be very caring, very sweet and personal like a rub on their back and reassurance of positive feelings and energy.

The point of all this is to avoid a "sub drop" which is due to the loss of chemical components induced during play (adrenaline, endorphins) as well as broken emotional barriers. Play for submissives can be very intense because of internal repression where they feel like they're stuck between a rock and a hard place (their desires versus what society's attitudes of those desires). Don't just kick out your sub after a session. Spend a few minutes making sure they're alright, let them take out their emotions in a healthy way, and be a Nurturer. You don't have to lose your dominance doing this; if anything, it will make them adore you all the more and feel wanted in your life.

Public Play

This can either be playing in front of another person (outside of the two-person negotiation) or playing in front of a group - it can interpreted many ways to different people. It can also be in front of a device that can be shown to other people (such as webcam, video recorder, photography). Can be used for fantasy blackmail, or even as a threat for behavior modification/training. See exhibitionism and voyeurism.

Spitting

The act of spitting can either be a gift or part of degradation for humiliation play. To one person it could be a marking and to another a reminder of being owned. Some like it in their mouths, some on their faces, and some on their body parts. And some don't like it at all.

Medical Fetish

I'll talk about this more in depth later in a longer article, but this is a very big fetish ranging from just light (dressing up in a nurse's/doctor's uniform and role playing as caretaker/patient) to very hardcore (catheters, sounds, straps, speculums, needles, blood-taking). When dealing with the latter, be experienced and safe - sanitation and knowledge is of utmost importance in this area.

Needle Play

Like with medical fetish, it's important to know what you're doing and be safe when dealing with sharp needles. Discard these in a special container for medical waste.

 TENS Unit

Stands for "Transcutaneous Electronic Nerve Stimulator". Originally devised for medical purposes, it quickly became popular among kinksters for the electric charge sensation it gave to naughty bits.

 Verbal Humiliation

Degradation through insults, cutting down the sub's ego, and twisting their fantasies and ideals against them. This is very tricky and difficult to get just right acting on intuition. It requires going into the sub's psyche and discovering what

 Physical Humiliation

Asserting dominance through physical means. Sitting on the sub, pushing them down to the floor, and having a foot (high heeled or otherwise) just on their body to remind them of their place.

The actual act of humiliation can vary from individual to individual depending on tastes and what is actually humiliating for them to experience. For instance, I once had a client who had trouble saying dirty words so the whole session was spent repeating every dirty word I said all the while teasing him with what he desperately wanted (my ass). For another client his ultimate humiliation was to be slapped and spit on (no verbal stuff, actually). It's important to know who you're dealing with, what their fantasies are, what they don't like - and this is all dealt with in a negotiation.

Electric/Voltage Play

Play with products like TENs units, cattle prods, or other electric sex toys. This is not for the faint of heart, and for the love of Goddess, don't electrocute your sub above the waist if they have a history of heart problems (or have a pacemaker.) The sensation can be increased if the area being electrocuted is wet.

Not for beginners; go to a BDSM class or personal training from a professional if you wish to seriously engage in this behavior with your partner/client. Knowledge is power.

 Smothering

Part of breath play. Can be done with an object like a pillow or a body part. Serious business!

 Facesitting

Also known as "queening." Sitting on a sub's face. Can work with smothering.

Showers

Not clean ones! No water here, folks. Just bodily functions. Brown (feces), golden (urine), ruby (menstruation fluid, of course), and roman showers (vomit).

Ball-busting

My personal favorite. Literally busting the balls of a man. Nothing beats kicking, squeezing, squishing, and stretching the testicles of a sub. Much more extreme than CBT.

 Guest Author for Geisha Diaires: Miss Veronica Volt, Pro-Domme at Deviant Domain, L.A.

BDSM Terminology, Part 2

Hello pets! Welcome to the continuation of your education in the kink world. Have you been bad? Let's hope so.

BDSM Guest Author for Geisha Diaries: Miss Veronica Volt, Pro-Domme at Deviant Domain, L.A.

                                                    Full toilet

FT for short. Scat and piss play. Full toilet can either deal with consumption or play with the waste. While urine is sterile and relatively safe to play with, feces isn't. For serious players who know what they're doing. Not for the faint of heart!! Be sure to discuss this fantasy in full detail with your Dominant.

Humiliation

Can be erotic, verbal, or physical.

Safe Word

A word that can signal that the Dominant has pushed the submissive's limits to the edge, that the play has become too much for the submissive to handle, or that the submissive needs a breather. This is especially helpful in role play where the words "stop" and "no" can be part of the act; the safe word is something not associated with play (ex: panda, banana, shoe). A safe word is agreed upon by both parties before play begins. I use "mercy" as mine to give to subs, but the "red, yellow, green" system works well too (red meaning stop, yellow meaning caution). The numbers system ("Is that a one or a ten?") is a good way to gauge the intensity of what you're doing. It is appropriate to come up with a hand or physical signal if the submissive is unable to communicate clearly verbally.

Edge Play

Geisha GirlThis can be very dangerous and should only be performed by seasoned and experienced players. The Dominant takes the submissive to the edge of their limits (ex. fire play, knife play, breath play are all good examples of taking it to the "edge").

Fetish

This can be applied to those not interested in being dominated or into traditional BDSM; such as golden showers, foot/boot/body worship, high heels, spanking, smells, latex, etc.

Pony Play

Exactly how it sounds. This can go as far as using a horse bit and saddle to simply riding on the back of the human pony (the latter being something I enjoy very much.) This can become extreme to dressing up as a horse such as this, or as simple as this, with a bit gag.

Shibari

Japanese Rope Bondage. Excellent examples can be found here. I believe the appeal of this is not just aesthetic but the strength found in the ties themselves. Very beautiful and a true treat for a submissive to enjoy.

Puppy Play

Exactly how it sounds. Can range from playful to strict and the submissive can act like a dog (barking, whimpering, walking on all fours, playing "dead", begging). I love playing with human puppies - it's probably the cutest form of animal play in my opinion because the affection one feels for a dog is transferred to the human dog when the latter takes on the characteristics of the former.

Feminization

Also known as "sissification", "sissy training", and "cross-dressing."

Subspace

Something to which every Dominant wants to push their submissive and what every submissive hopes to experience. A state of mind reminiscent of floating or feeling detached from their environment due to the rush of endorphins and connection they have with their Dominant. It's always a treat for me whenever a sub has a dreamy look in their eyes after a steady build-up of play.

Pay for Play

A term used colloquially by kinksters referring to professional Masters and Mistresses who earn income from playing.

Age Play

An aspect of role play. Usually falls under certain fantasies where the submissive is young (baby, child, student). Can also be part of infantilism.

Human Furniture

An activity where the submissive becomes objectified as a piece of furniture for the Dominant to use. It can coordinate with specific fetishes like foot fetish = foot stool. An excellent mainstream example of this would be from the movie Bruno in which Paula Abdul sits on a human chair and is served food off a human table.

Infantilism

Play that involves role play where the submissive is treated like an infant. It can involve dressing up like an infant (diapers, bib, bonnets, rattles, large bottles) and activities associated with babies (diaper changing, spanking, mother/child role play).
 
 

Guest Author for Geisha Diaires: Miss Veronica Volt, Pro-Domme at Deviant Domain, L.A.

BDSM Terminology

Part I

To a novice, navigating the BDSM lifestyle may seem like entering a rabbit hole of phrases and lingo that can make anyone’s head spin. I know. I've been there. Yes, there was a time when even Veronica Volt didn't know what a "scene" was or what "water sports" meant.

What I describe below is not restricted to professionals - all BDSM play can be and is practiced by the young, the old, male, female, intersex, etc. A few things to keep in mind is that everything can be practiced in varying degrees from light and sensual to vicious and hardcore. Everyone's level of enjoyment is different and it is important to respect those limits. Let's start with the basics:

Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism

BDSM is a consensual lifestyle choice or type of adult role play between two or more individuals. While the first two words may be familiar to a layperson, sadism and masochism aren't exactly hot buttons. A sadist enjoys inflicting pain and humiliation, reveling in the misery of another. A masochist lives to receive this pain and humiliation. Together, it is a symbiotic relationship.

BDSM encompasses so many fun activities from the traditional flogging, whipping, and spanking to the more unconventional activities such as enema play, water sports, and electrosex. Go here to read more about Dominance & Control.

Scene

A scene is a negotiated play period between two or more partners to experience BDSM/Fetish activities. It is supposed to be consensual and safe.

Nonconsensual

A fantasy of forced acts although it is negotiated in a consensual environment. Also called Non-con.

Hard Limit

The line that must not be crossed. A hard limit is an activity that is a definite turn-off. Example: Scat play (gaining sexual pleasure from the excretion of human feces) is a hard limit for many along with blood and needles. It's different for everyone.

Watersports

Pee play, also referred to as golden showers (GS for short) and Goddess drops. The act can be performed as either consumption or as a 'shower' over the body.

Sissy training

This one is slightly confusing since there are two branches to this tree. Sissy training can be just that: sissification of a man to be outwardly transformed as a woman through the use of makeup, wigs, and clothing. Another use of the term is to describe pegging.

Pegging

Anal strap on sex performed on a man by a woman.

CBT

Cock and ball torture, also referred to as genitorture. A big misconception is that CBT involves only pain of the undesirable sort. This is not the case and in many instances, can be very pleasurable.

Impact Play

This is what people think of when they think of Dominatrices: flogging, whipping, spanking, paddling, and caning. It is also known as Corporal Punishment (CP for short).

Nipple Torture

NT for short. The act of squeezing, pinching, touching, licking, kissing, stretching, pulling, compressing, suctioning, and biting the nipples.

Stay tuned for Part Two of BDSM Terminology.

Guest Author for Geisha Diaires: Miss Veronica Volt, Pro-Domme at Deviant Domain, L.A.

Dominance & Control

“The utterly divine worship of the female form superior to the male form in every way”

 Dominance is a mental, emotional and physical state manifested through something as simple as a gesture or soft-spoken word. It is the underlying tone of commanding, assertive and unwavering control.

 There are no questions. There are no niceties and there are no pleases. The only permissible replies are:

• "Yes, Mistress"
• "Thank you Mistress"
• "My life is not complete without you, Mistress."

"Mistress, may I please lie at your feet and kiss your boots?"

a client once begged.

 

Miss Veronica Volt

In my world, this perspective is paramount. It is not the whip that inflicts the most pain but the deadly glare, the sadistic smile or the crushing disappointment of a submissive when he fails to please his Mistress. To maintain superiority, a Mistress must enter a "dom" state of mind from the beginning of the scene to the end.

Submissives, Check Your Egos at the Door

Control is not necessarily kinky. How often have you struggled with a client for control of an appointment and the client has attempted to diminish that control by changing date, switching time or playing mind games? The situation is familiar in any profession. A Mistress must master control and maintain the upper hand of her slave. Cultivating a dominant mindset is critical not only in business but in your personal life as well.

Dominance is not synonymous with bitchiness

Miss Veronica Volt

New Mistresses tend to struggle separating the two. A loud voice does not instill fear in a slave. But it will give you a sore throat. Real fear is infused when you glare at him silently as though he were scum and he is trembling because he doesn't know what he has done wrong (maybe everything, maybe nothing). Power is projected when circling him and judging him ruthlessly rather than yelling at him for his incompetence. Of course he's incompetent. He's a man, a slave for your bidding. He'll fuck up everything, naturally. It is your job as a Domme to guide and mold him into the ideal, willing slave.

 Dommes, Don't Let Emotions Cloud Your Judgment

Herein lies the foremost step to losing control. Keep distant from personal slights and remember that you're the boss. He came to you for something. You possess what he desires, automatically giving you the power. Do not think about the money because it is irrelevant. You will always find more business. He must earn and respect your presence and remain submissive at all times.

Do not be Challenged by Consultation or Negotiation

You call the shots and get the final word. If you are even remotely unhappy with the arrangement do not go through with it. Most important is that you end the scene with a smile on your face and hopefully his as well. Asking questions implies submission. Speaking to your client using assertive statements and allowing him to reply will ensure your dominance.

Reinforce Your Authority by Always Following up on Threats

If a client tests your limits with even the slightest discomfort by back talking, insulting or touching you, warn him. If he does it again, terminate the session and mean it. Stand your ground. Say it with conviction and provide no refund.

Disrespect is a waste of your valuable time and justification to charge him. If he crosses that line again, show him the door with ease and refuse to take his calls. If he comes back, chances are he’ll behave with more submission and respect. Personally, I will not take back a client who displays such behavior.

It doesn't matter whether you're a mistress, a masseuse, an escort, a stripper or just a regular woman. The art of control can be applied by anyone in any situation as long as the state of mind remains focused and void of emotion.

After all, this is a business like any other.

 Written by Veronica Volt, Dominatrix & Guest Author for Geisha Diaries