I’ve come to see cross-dressing as one part of a multifaceted continuum of lingerie fetishA Slip of a Girl

A true sexual fetish requires the object, in this case lingerie, to be present. But there are plenty who consider themselves lingerie fetishists, even if they can achieve arousal and satisfaction without it. This might be a simple starting point in the continuum:

Men who love lingerie

They see it more than just a wrapping to discard as quickly as the paper covering a holiday gift. They want to experience it as part of the woman. Quite often, these lingerie fetishists want the lingerie to be part of the sex acts, whether it’s included in foreplay or part of the main course.  It could be as simple as being stroked by the hem of a slip, leaving panties on during sex, or being masturbated to orgasm with the skirt of a nightgown.

The lingerie fetish may also be combined with other interests such as Dominance and submission

in which they desire to spank or otherwise dominate a woman in traditional or classic lingerie (girdles, garters, stockings and the like). Frankly, the lingerie fetish can be combined with just about all other fetishes, taboos and fantasies. From there, the continuum itself (not necessarily any man) may progress to wearing lingerie

Panties are usually the most common garment

This may only be for the sensual experience of the fabrics, or it may even progress into the taboo of wearing women’s undergarments. This is called cross-dressing (CD).

Strictly speaking, cross-dressing is when a person of one gender wears the clothing, underclothing and/or fashion accessories most commonly associated with another gender

In Western cultures where women can freely wear pants and other items of “male” clothing, the term cross-dressing most frequently refers to men wearing women’s clothing. (Cross-dressing doesn’t need to have a sexual component, but here I’m discussing cross-dressing  in terms of sex work and human sexuality.)

For many cross-dressing men, there’s a thrill in just wearing a piece of women’s intimate apparel merely because it’s not considered masculine

The sensual delights enhance the awareness of wearing it and when combined with the forbidden nature of the act, it can be quite powerful. Yet, for many other cross-dressers there is more.

It’s important to note that the majority of cross-dressing men are not gay or transsexual

Most of them wouldn’t consider themselves bisexual or bi-curious either.  They dislike seeing photos of men in drag, preferring to view images of women in lingerie and inserting themselves, figuratively or literally, in her shoes for the time being.  They want to feel feminine, even be treated as female for periods of time, but they do not identify as female in terms of their own gender. Nor do they love or lust after men not even if and when they dress completely as a woman and give themselves a female name. It really is more of a form of cross play or role play, in which they like to play the part of the woman — as they define it.  (This can be a tricky area for many women who are in relationships with cross-dressers, and one of the many reasons professional services are sought.) There are a great number of cross-dressers who wish to engage in fantasies or professional services for the girl-on-girl action with themselves as one of the girls, yet eventually climaxing in more traditionally male ways.

Most sissy maids strongly identify as submissive and wish to serve a dominant female

A cross-dressing man may be even further along the continuum, in what many prefer to call “the role of the sissy.” Sissies and sissy maids typically are those cross-dressing men who like to role play as if they were female, including serving women and being used by men. In this role, they desire to participate in power exchanges based on their sexual ideals of gender roles; anything from pegging to spankings and other physical punishments, from emotional punishments such as humiliation to servicing other men. This includes being used by or “whored out” as a “sissy slut” to other men.

The definition of “sissy” and the fantasy acts themselves vary wildly based on the individual’s stereotypes of what it means to be female, their ideas of submission, and just about any other sexual interests, fetishes and fantasies you can think of. Clearly this is not a one-size-fits-all area of sexuality.

Approaching a lingerie fetishist as a sissy, treating a cross-dresser as a gay man or threatening a sissy with a spanking paddle can incur disastrous results!

It’s vital for the professional sex worker, be it an escort, phone sex operator, BDSM professional, et al, to note all the subtle and not-so-subtle differences in this lingerie fetish continuum. Any professional wishing to work successfully with clients in these areas must learn how to identify the individual needs and fantasies of each specific client in order to satisfy them.

Written by Geisha Diaries Guest Author & Lingerie Fetishist, A Slip of a Girl