SFZ-final-text

Were you part of the recent Twitter trend #NotPee?

If so, you may also have read headlines such as “Scientists Conclude That Squirting Is Just ‘An Involuntary Emission of Urine'” and “Squirting is Just Pee, Say Scientists.”

As women’s health writer Rebecca Chalker asserts, “The suggestion that women can expel fluid from their genital area as part of sexual arousal [is] ‘one of the most hotly debated questions in modern sexology.'”

And indeed it seems to be.

It seems there might be a political agenda to all this fuss about whether women ejaculate and what that ejaculate is composed of

I say this because a lot of time seems to be spent trying to assert that women do not share anatomical similarities with men. The female body has been a hotbed of controversy for as long as there has been recorded history. That controversy has taken many forms and it has been a dominant feature of human culture for the last six thousand years during which religion, government, culture, custom and taboo have exerted ridiculous levels of pressure to control female bodies.

Hillary Clinton’s powerful closing remarks at the 2012 “Women in the World” Summit,” summarized it well

“Why extremists always focus on women remains a mystery to me. But they all seem to.

“It doesn’t matter what country they’re in or what religion they claim. They all want to control women. They want to control how we dress. They want to control how we act. They even want to control the decisions we make about our own health and our own bodies.”

Although science may seem a neutral and unbiased source for factual information, when it comes to female sexual response that is rarely the case

Those recent headlines claiming that female ejaculate is just pee, referred to the results of a 2014 study by researchers Salama, Boitrelle, Gauquelin, Malgrida, Thiounn and Desvaux which concluded that “The present data based on ultrasonographic bladder monitoring and biochemical analyses indicate that squirting is essentially the involuntary emission of urine during sexual activity, although a marginal contribution of prostatic secretions to the emitted fluid often exists.” [emphasis mine]

Their research results do not offer any explanation for why female ejaculate contains the same chemical marker as male ejaculate (prostatic-specific antigen or PSA), nor why it occurs in female ejaculate but not in female urine.

In contrast, the 2007 research results of Wimpissinger, Stifter, Grin and Stackl found that, biochemically, “The fluid emitted during orgasm showed all the parameters found in prostate plasma in contrast to the values measured in voided urine.” What that means is that female ejaculate is very similar in chemical composition to male ejaculate. It does not resemble urine. Further they concluded that their data “. . . underline[s] the concept of the female prostate both as an organ itself and as the source of female ejaculation.”

In all fairness to the 2014 research, however, we do need an explanation for why the women in their study emptied their bladders prior to ejaculation only to have their bladders quickly fill again during sexual stimulation

Although the concept is still controversial, some have advanced the theory that copious amounts of female ejaculate are stored in the bladder via something referred to as retrograde ejaculation. Female Ejaculation expert, Deborah Sundahl, refers to this in her book “Female Ejaculation and The G-Spot.” It would be wonderful if the next bit of research into female ejaculation focused on this. It seems quite plausible and could be dependent upon the size, shape and position of the female prostate, all of which varies in women.

So who should you believe?

I strongly recommend that you believe your own body.

Why? Because I didn’t. And not trusting the wisdom of my body brought me a lot of emotional confusion and pain as a young woman.

VM-HeadshotEjaculation came to me naturally

I had never heard of it but I had never heard it was pee, either. So I assumed all women did it and it was a normal part of female sexuality. Then I read a stupid response to a reader’s letter in Penthouse forum. The reader wanted to know why she was expelling large quantities of an unfamiliar liquid at the moment of orgasm. And the Penthouse “expert” replied that the reader was “incontinent” and should seek medical help for her “condition.”

I was horrified. Had I been wetting the bed all this time? The shame overcame me and I resolved never to do that again. But I couldn’t figure out how to have an orgasm without ejaculating. Since shame had a lot of power over me at that time, I betrayed my own body’s truth and my need for pleasure and fulfillment. Instead I resorted to having sex which left me devoid of orgasms. It is embarrassing to admit that now, all these years later. But there are women doing the same thing today.

Today I know better. And fortunately you can benefit from the experience and expertise of women like me, who know better. There will always be research which conflicts with other research and if we allow that to veto our personal experiences – our personal truth – then we are abdicating one of the most important roles we have in this life: that of showing up as our own unique self!

If you don’t ejaculate, please don’t try to “measure up” and “compete” with some imaginary sexual standard

One reason female sexual pleasure is so controversial is because many of us are afraid we are doing it “wrong.” We crave confirmation that we are “normal.” Well, regardless of whether your orgasms are dry or soaking the whole bed, you ARE normal!

Love yourself. Love your body. Your female body is a marvelous gift built for pleasure. Celebrate that in all the ways which are unique to you!

And one last thing: It’s NOT pee!

Veronica Monet, ACS
Copyright 2015